my physics teacher told us a joke today
three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
A CIGARETTE LIGHTER
I ACTUALLY GET IT OH MY GOD YES
i’m usually very slow with this kind of jokes. It’s a miracle i undertood it the first time i read it.
one of the hardest decisions i will ever make is which fictional character i’m going to name my child after
All it would take was a shove, she told herself. He was standing right there, right there, smirking at her with those fat wormlips. You could do it, she told herself. You could. Do it right now. It wouldn’t even matter if she went over with him. It wouldn’t matter at all.
no story lives unless someone wants to listen. [1/?]
"Take care, my brave son, or you will bleed for a girl who will never be yours."
The dreams held her, one after the other, a river of images that bore her along like a leaf tossed in a current… Isabelle sitting naked with her whip curled around her like a net of gold rings.
Every woman has mastered this. We are actually born with this skill.
You level up when you can do it with long sleeves
I was the only girl on an all-boys varsity soccer team. I had to change on the bus during away games because I didn’t have a locker room at other schools. I was not uncomfortable with that, actually. I did what I had to.
But one day I noticed that like three guys who were seniors were just staring at me as I did this and I must have shot them a dirty look because one of them (who is actually a family friend) was like “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to stare, but we’re still trying to figure out how the hell girls do that” and I just felt bad. They just want to get their girlfriend’s bra off without losing an eye and we can remove the whole thing like fucking wizards
i told my mom about this post and she went ‘wait, you can do it with long sleeves? um, i’ll be right back’